Looking for some Mommy advice.........

[trishobryan]

I am looking for a little advice, so I thought I would just ask a random question and hope forsomething positive to help out. My oldest son moved out last year, the first to move outwithout being an 18yr old runaway trying to make a point. He was so careful to be respectful,and leave in a way so that if he ever needed to he would be able to come back. Well at 19, he moved in with a friend of mine from work, who is 27 and has 4 kids. Hewelcomed the responsibility of being the house husband and raising the kids while sheworks, as we have both begun to work from home on our job, as the company we work fordoes allow that. He bought a truck at 18 with settlement money from our wreck (actually, he bought 1 for himand he bought 1 for his Mommy lol). He asked me to keep it in my name, as he doesn't havea license or much drive to learn how to drive after the wreck. He said that this way, no matterwhat he did, or who he was with, he knew he would have it. Pretty smart kid I think. They came over last weekend, 4hrs late, and ran into his ex dropping off my daughter fromgoing and hanging out, and of course all hell has now broken loose, and I have a 27yr oldtrying to prove to me that she runs him now, even though he seems to be afraid to makea positive move in either direction. So, since he was 2 it has been the 2 of us against theworld, and nothing has been able to put us down, no matter how hard it was to stay up.I am just crushed by the thought of anyone coming between us, and can only rationalizebeating the pure hell out of someone!  I know I have to let him make his decisions and mistakes, but that doesn't make it anyeasier, if anyone has ANY suggestions PLEASE I will try anything!Thanks for the time and sorry to be so long winded! I hope it is ok to post this here lol!Thanks!Trish

 

[omeg]

Hi trish...Oh boy, sounds like you have a situation.I am not sure I am understanding everything in your post except the fact that you love your son, and some one is trying to run his life for him.I assume you and your son are very close.Encourgae that always, and make sure you have time to talk to him alone.He seems like a very level headed kid, and you should be proud of that.How old is your son now?Again, all I can say is make sure you always have time to communicate with him, alone, and as gently as possible, let him know if you think something is a mistake, or not right for him.If the worst happens, and he resents you for it, as a Mother, you know you did your best to try to save your Son some heartache down the road. He will see this eventually.I am not a Mother, so perhaps I just dont know, but I think common sense is a plus in these situations.He is young but level headed, and sounds like he loves and respects you.  I bet a nice talk alone with him might help.If I am completely misunderstanding your post, I apologize.I will say a prayer for you and your Son, in this difficult time.Life can be so hard.                                                                                                                                  PamKeep us up to date.Your post was placed perfectly.   

 

[krystalkitty]

Hardest thing we can do for our children is letting go! That is how our children grow and learn from their own mistakes! Things will work out in the long run! Wishing you the best!!!

 

[Mben]

trishobryan wrote: They came over last weekend, 4hrs late, and ran into his ex dropping off my daughter from going and hanging out, and of course all hell has now broken loose , and I have a 27yr oldtrying to prove to me that she runs him now, even though he seems to be afraid to makea positive move in either direction. 

So your friend, his girlfriend, had a problem with his ex when she ran into her at your house?Now unless there have been words between the ex and your friend in the past that made her upset to run into her, I would say that your 19 year old son is much to mature to be with this 27 year old girl. If the ex is someone that you and the rest of your family get along with and see from time to time, then your friend should be mature enough to accept that and you have the right to tell her that. I don't have a son so I don't know what that mother/son bond is like but I know it's a strong one in most cases. If he were my son, I'd be speaking my mind about the age difference between the two, that's for sure. But then again, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders and you probably don't want to step in because of that. Whatever happens now, it will run it's course and he will end up with someone he will be truely happy with. That's what I think. 

 

[trishobryan]

I thought that maybe with her being 27 the maturity levels might match up, since he is way beyond the 19yr old kids around. I was SO wrong, she dropped himoff about a month ago and told him she didn't know if she was gonna come back and get him or not, obviously I gave her too much credit. He will figure it outin time I guess, thanks for the advice! Ya'll are awesome, it is nice to have support at the end of my rope!

 

[daremeto]

trish i feel for you, like you my son and i have a very special bond. i have 2 children, a girl and a boy. don't get me wrong my daughter and i are close and i would do anything for her, but we for some reason don't have the bond that my son and i have. krystalkitty hit the nail on the head when she said the hardest thing we do for our children is letting go. as parents all we can do is raise them the best way we know how to, which is not always the correct way but we do the best we know how to do, and pray alot when they become young adults that the morals and common sense we taught them pay off, because for every action there is a reaction, and it is not always good, and unfortunately we all seem to learn our lessons the hard way. i have always been a person who does not know when to keep her mouth shut, so it was very hard for me to keep it shut when i saw my children making mistakes, my heart is screaming at me to say something and my common sense saying it is their problem let them figure it out. and both my children have said to me, thank you mom for letting me be me and make my own mistakes. all you can do as a parent when they move out is to let them live their life as they choose and if they call you and ask for advice then you give advice for the situation at hand. both my children have been in relationships that i knew was wrong for them and i knew it was not in their best interest to be with that person, so i had to keep reminding myself what it was like when i was that age and i made alot of bad judgments and i turned out ok and they will too. and so far i have not been wrong