<table style="width:100%;" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center">A Man Wins the Lottery A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, Martha, pack up your things. I just won the state lottery! Martha replies, Shall I pack for warm weather or cold? The man responds, I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon! ************************************************************************<table style="width:100%;" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center">Blonde in Vegas A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said Excuse me Miss? What are you doing? She said, Duh! I'm winning here! *******************************************************************<table style="width:100%;" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center">Dog's Hand A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiousity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world! The player smiled and said, He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail. ********************************************************************<table style="width:100%;" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center">Compulsive Gambler Buckshot was a compulsive gambler, and would bet on anything and everything; horses, dogs, football, baseball, basketball, snooker and even soccer games. When Buckshot was down to his last dollar, he went to his best friend and said Roy, I need $1000, we have no food, I owe rent, the kids need jeans for school, and the wife won't leave the house because we have bad checks at all the stores. Can you help me out? So his best buddy gave him $2000 to get him ahead, but on one condition, that he does not use the money for gambling. Buckshot's reply was Oh, I have money put away for that.
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